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Custom License Plate: I CEL DRGS

While walking my dog around the neighborhood I noticed a young, dark brown skin man with corn rows, gold front teeth, super loose fitting designer sports clothes and eye blinding white tennis shoes. He drives up to a nearby townhouse, ignoring the “visitor parking” sign across the road, and parks in the no parking zone in order to socialize with some greasy hair weave wearing young women, all of whom are out of place in this much, generally “lighter skinned”, small, peaceful, suburban town. From their mouths spewed loud, low class Ebonics and ghetto cackles.

“The Negra” (and I call him “Negra” because his presence pisses me off) is driving a big top-of-the-line black, late model Mercedes Benz, which is almost the size of a small Hummer. His car is polished to high diamond luster, as though it has never been outside of a new car show room. Who knows; maybe “Mr . Negra’s” successful lawyer friend loaned him the car, or he won the lottery, or his wealthy parents died and left him a bank roll, but I don’t believe that; I believe “Mr Negra” is a dope dealer or a pimp or sells a whole lotta illegal shit. Either way, I wished he’d take his black ass back to his mama’s house, where he probably lives, which is in the same neighborhood as the mothers of his 9 kids; just an assumption.

Now, I don’t know if “The Negra” has kids, or even what he does for a living, nor do I know how he got the money to buy such an expensive car, but I’m guessing he’s probably never successfully invested in the stock market, nor do I believe he owns or holds a high level business position. And judging by his “un-buffed body type, he probably isn’t a well paid sports player. Am I stereotyping? Perhaps, but I’d say the same thing about a young, loud, grammar deficient, redneck driving a $65K BMW and socializing with trailer bunnies with 2 inch nails.

What bothers me about “Mr. Negra” is his semblance of wealth. I’m thinkin’ most of his money goes to support his car and clothes habit, as I call it. It takes a lot of money to pretend to be rich, doesn’t it? Difficult to imagine him living in a wealthy neighborhood and being invited to dine with rich neighbors. No, his stupid ass has chosen NOT invest in, oh let’s say, English lessons and deportment? Good grammar will carry him farther in life than his car ever will, a car that’ll be a much cheaper old car in a few years. But he, like his homies, will die young and broke with a mess of children living in subsidized housing with mama and grandma, and his family will spend thousands of money they’ll have to borrow in order to pay for his funeral in a church he ain’t been to since he was potty trained.

“Mr. Negra” is the poster boy for young men in the hood, and he reinforces their belief that well paying (legitimate) jobs and higher education are unimportant, and women are only worth their pussy + appearance. So when people like him hang out in my hood, I can almost feel my property value decreasing. (How much Fed and State taxes does “Mr. Negra” pay?)

Mr. Negra’s “ car is a ghetto aphrodisiac. When he and those like him drive through the hood, women present themselves with open vaginas and viable, unprotected eggs, ready to shoot out more children who will spend a few years in school, then drop out, like their parents before them, in order to do whatever they have to do to own big, expensive cars…and make more babies.

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